Pain

 I reached out to you this week.  You responded full of hatefulness.  Part of that is that you're hurting so badly.  Part of that is that you want me to hurt just as badly.  Trust me,  I do.  I've spent 3 days pretty much crying nonstop. I don't know where the tears are coming from anymore. Surely I'm dehydrated.   I do badly want to take this pain away for you.  I want to fix it immediately.  But I can't.  The only thing that will fix this is Jesus,  baby.  And time.

So while I wait for you,  I will wait with you.  I will acutely feel a portion of the pain that you are feeling.  I wish you would let me share it with you.  But you have made it clear that you don't want that.  

But I trust Jesus to do what He does best: Redemption. 

One day,  you will turn to Him and ask for it. And He will give it.  Then,  and only then,  will you begin to forgive yourself.  To love yourself.  To allow your heart to mend.  And, I pray that you will KNOW that you can also turn to me.  I will always always be here waiting for you with open arms. 

I love you, Bean.  And I miss you more than I ever knew was possible. 

 

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